Arthro-Pilates and Lupus

 

 

NOTES FROM A WEISBROD

 

Rules For Your Annual Christmas party

 

'Tis the season to be merry, 'tis the season to be jolly and 'tis the season to go to your annual Christmas party. Every year thousands of people put on their best glitzy wear and head to their company’s annual holiday bash. But before you go there are a few rules that I need to share with you.

Rule #1
Never act like you are appalled by your co-workers spouses. It’s a given that you will be shocked! And it’s never what you expected. That shy guy in your office, well his wife usually turns out to be overbearing, a cross between Stalin and Amaldo Marces and the beautiful woman in the office, admired by all, is usually being escorted by  Ebineiser Scrooge himself . Just act non chalant, as if you don’t notice.

Rule #2
Never drink. If you do, you might become uninhibited and end up telling your boss how cute he is. This might not be so bad, if he “were” in fact gay and if your wife had not been holding your hand at the time. Or worse yet, you’ll get drunk and end up standing on a table reciting “Desiderata” and telling everyone that you love them.

Rule #3
Never stand under the mistletoe. There is always one guy in the office who feels the need to kiss every woman he sees. Unfortunately it’s usually my date.

Rule # 4
Under no circumstances should you dance. Everyone thinks they can dance, but the fact remains that most people are lousy dancers. You will end up as Billy Crystal says “Doing The White Man’s overbite” to The Village People singing YMCA.  And never do any form of line dancing. Doing the bunny hop or the chicken dance should be reserved for bad wedding’s only. It’s just embarrassing.

Rule # 5
Never talk about religion or politics. Telling your Liberal coworker that Dalton McGuinty looks like Howdy Doody but with more strings attached, is not good. And asking a Tory “How many conservatives does it take to change light bulb?” None they don’t believe in change, will only cause you to get a drink poured over your head.

Rule# 6
Dress modestly. I learned this the hard way when at my last party the chicken on the buffet weren’t the only breasts to be openly displayed. But I swear, they accidently popped out during my mambo.

Rule #7
Never sing Kareoke. You sound good  in the shower. But that’s the only place. And the large guy from shipping singing “You light up my life”, will not bring a tear to anyone’s eye.

The fact remains that we all have to go to Holiday parties and we all have to return to work the next day. Let’s try and show a little bit of class, and a little bit of decorum. After all you don’t want to be the guy under the table at the end of the night saying “Where did everybody go”?

 

©Lori Weisbrod

 


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